The Agapé way of seeing

In an amazing survey of mysticism in the world religions, entitled The Inner Eye of Love, there is a brief reference to agapé. The author, Fr. William Johnston (an Irish Jesuit who served in Japan directing the Institute of Oriental Religions), discussed how the early Christians used the word, agapé, to refer to something so completely different from what then was ordinarily thought of as love.

Johnston explained that today, also, there needed to be a new word other than ‘love’ to express the journey of mysticism. It’s needed because every step of such a journey is “enlighten and guided by a living flame, a blind stirring, a love which has no reservations or restrictions.” Such a kind of love is not what is ordinarily meant by that word. This kind of love “burns at a very deep level of consciousness.” And so today, too, we need to use that ancient Greek word, ‘agapé.’ But all the time, Johnston acknowledges that whatever word we try to use, with the limited vocabularies we humans have at our disposal, what we are trying to express is deeper and more powerful and more wondrous and more mysterious than any of our attempts to express it.

Also he speaks of every stage of the journey requiring a new way of seeing. We might call that the agape way of seeing. When we relate to another person with agape, we discover that agape helps us see to the very core of the other, in order to be able to relate to the inner Essence of the other. Also agape helps us see the basis of our own true essence, and so helps us see the difference between the ego and the Essence within us.

In The Way to Love by Fr. Anthony De Mello (a Jesuit from India) he talked about “the art of looking.” This is how you do it: Every time you find yourself irritated or angry with someone, the one to look at is not that person but yourself. The question to ask is not, “What’s wrong with this person?” but “What does this irritation tell me about myself ?” By looking with agape in this way, the other person will help you see not only a self-revelation but more importantly also a Self-revelation. You will see more clearly the eternal Essence that is your true identity. And that way of looking will help you understand more deeply that you are not an ego-identity. 

We don’t like to face this aspect of agape seeing, but De Mello pointed out in harsh detail that agape can help us to ruthlessly flash the light of awareness on our own motives, and to see the emotions and needs of our egos. And so agape can help us face our dishonesty, our self-seeking, and our tendency to control and manipulate. This way of seeing ourselves is necessary to help us see how to free ourselves from identifying with our ego.
He concluded that we cannot truly love other people in the way agape helps us love until we can see them in the full reality of the moment, no longer relying on ideas, conceptions and conditioning, perceptions, prejudices and projections that have been constructed by our egos. But if you are to love the agape way you must learn to truly see. When you look at people this way, you see them in their inner beauty and goodness; then you transform and create.